GREEN FAERIE CUPCAKES

R & I have always wanted to taste absinthe. Apparently, you can't sell absinthe in America, but you can buy absinthe so we ordered a bottle from France. I remember looking up LA FEE and being dumbfounded at all the different types. I thought that there was just the typical green shit, but there's plenty to choose from. We ended up purchasing some kind of "starter kit" and were amazed at how cheap it really was..

Anyway, when we received the imported package, we made a date to get wasted on a night where we didn't have to work the next morning. The kit came with the bottle, two glasses, two spoons & a ton of sugar cubes. I tried to remember how the entire process was done in BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA, but we actually YouTubed a how-to video (gotta love YouTube).

After it was all said and done, we took a sip of the green faerie and practically spit it out. To me, it tasted like watered down Jager. I'm not a fan of the black licorice flavor & R isn't a fan of Jager, so we kept the bottle in our freezer for probably about five years before I pulled it out again to make these cupcakes. I dunno what made me believe that I'd like the taste of absinthe in cupcake form, but NOOOPE. The recipe ended up making 6 dozen mini cupcakes and the frosting recipe made enough for 2 dozen of the minis, so I threw away the remaining 4 dozen. I just didn't want to keep any of these cupcakes around and I didn't think anyone else would like them.. it turned out that my boss and the security guard loved them. They thought I was crazy for throwing away 4 dozen.

R grading (D): Like I said, he's not a fan of the Jager flavor. I was more surprised that he gave a D because I gave them an F.

I didn't give any to my parents because I just thought they were so gross tasting that I shouldn't share any of them, but my boss at the bar and the security guard were excited to hear about them and wanted me to bring them the next time I came in. After I warned them that they taste like Jager and have that weird licorice-type taste to them, they finished off the batch for me one after the other. They even threw out a pitch to sell them during the next show we were hosting, which was practically a rave. I didn't have the heart to go through with it. 

CHOCOLATE MICHELOB LAGER CUPCAKES WITH HONEY MERINGUE FROSTING

 At work, some days are mundane & monotonous. Some days are filled with drama & gossip. Some days are just flat out shitty. But every day that I worked with this one woman & her daughter, were fucking awesome. The mother-daughter duo cooked in the grill and on slow nights (most nights), they would just hang out in the bar with me and smoke cigarettes, talking. The daughter & I got along great because we had much in common, mostly due to the fact that we're both laid-back tomboys. The mother was cool as shit & laid back, a retired pothead, but remained a pothead in her heart. We would joke around, make each other laugh, play practical jokes, goof off, tell nostalgic stories about our stupid antics, you know - shootin' the shit (don't know why we ever got paid, really). And I'm the shoot the shit kind of gal so those endlessly entertaining nights are missed by me since they've quit. 

The daughter had gotten a new job, but drops in every now & then to hang out in the bar. Her mother, on the other hand, had to stop working because she started having back issues flare up from a previous car accident. She ended up having back surgery nearly a week ago and during the surgery, she had a stroke followed by several seizures. This, of course, frightened everyone, but as of right now, she's at home & recovering. So I decided to bake her a special batch of cupcakes to help aid in the recovery. 

I knew I wanted to make her MICHELOB LAGER cupcakes because that's what she would drink whenever she got off work. She would clock out at 10:00PM and sit at the bar, chain smoking, laughing and joking, and drinking bottle after bottle after bottle of Michelob Lager. She was the only person to every drink the stuff. My boss hasn't even stocked the stuff since she hasn't been around because of her back.

I had a different cake recipe for Irish Car Bombs and thought that I'd substitute Lager for Guinness. The hard decision was what I should make for a frosting. I originally figured a Bailey's buttercream would be the way to go because it's the safest, even though I didn't agree with the flavor combination. A chocolate cake is a bit on the dense side to me and I thought a Bailey's buttercream would just be dense on dense, let alone an overpoweringly sweet dense. I was also desperate to try something new since I've made two frostings with Bailey's in it. But, like I said, I was just going to go with it because it was the safest. 

When I went to the grocery store to buy the Lager, I saw on the shelf above it, MICHELOB HONEY LAGER and I immediately thought, "That's a bingooooo!" (INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS = fave Tarantino film). I jumped on the internet and came upon a recipe for a honey meringue-like frosting. I thought it would be perfect since the frosting was going to be light & airy, and have a more subdued sweet taste. It was exactly what I was looking for so I rushed home to start. 

The recipe's process was much like the Irish Car Bomb cupcakes, in that it was more grueling due to extra steps. I don't know if it's because it's a chocolate cake made from scratch or what, but it turned out excellent. I'm not one for chocolate - if I had the choice, vanilla will always be my pick because it's light & fluffier in texture, but this is one of the better chocolate cakes I've tasted in a while. It may be because of the light & fluffy frosting that counteracted it? I should have tried the cake by itself, but I like my first taste to be the finished product. I actually tasted no hint of beer in the cake, which somewhat disappointed me since that was the point of the whole cake. The recipe called for 8 oz, but I poured the entire bottle (12 oz) in the batch. If I  had poured any more, I fear the batter would have been too liquid-y.

R grading (B-): He actually gave me a decent critique. I couldn't believe it. He said that the cake was a bit too "chocolate-y", but thought that the frosting balanced it well. He also said, "the after taste is the best part", which I'm not entirely sure what that means, but it sounded like a compliment.

B grading (B+): And that was that. She seemed reluctant to try them, maybe because I told her they were "Michelob Lager" cupcakes?

The mother I baked them for loved them, but she loves everything that I bake so.. nothing to go on there. 

IRISH CAR BOMB CUPCAKES

A buddy of ours from AZ flew into town last night to stay with us for a week. It is always a pleasure having him and we look forward it to every time. Whenever he simply mentions that he's only thinking about flying in, we get excited and try to hurry him up. When we were picking him up at the airport at 11:00PM, I pulled into a parking space and played with my PANDORA for a bit to find something I was in the mood for. I was looking down and saw that Stuck in the Middle with You was playing and when I looked up at R in the passenger seat to say something, I saw that a dark figure was standing just 3 feet from the window behind him and ever-so-slowly lifted a lit cigar to his mouth.

I was initially startled, but burst into laughter when I realized that it was C. R stared at me like I was diseased for a moment, waiting for the punchline because he was oblivious to the scene behind him.

Now, R & I aren't big drinkers. We're more social & a special occasion type of drinkers and C being in town is considered a special occasion. I consider C a professional drinker, he strictly drinks beer. All types of beer and loves trying different beer. He used to travel a lot across the country for his job and whenever he was off duty, he'd roam around the city - getting to know the city from behind the scenes. He mostly frequented local breweries and is currently a big fan of STONE BREWERY in San Diego, CA. I consider all beers inedible so I really have no place in saying that Stone beers are too aggressive for me. Yuk. But I love their bottles.

Anyway, to celebrate C coming into town, I wanted to make an ARROGANT BASTARD cupcake, but when I found an Irish Car Bomb cupcake, I immediately thought it was the perfect cupcake for the occasion. Both C & R are full Irishmen and they're both loving and sociable drunks. It's funny watching R trying to keep up with C because he always ends up losing and getting more drunk than anticipated and hanging all over me by the end of the night while C is seemingly un-phased & still drinking. One memory I have of the two of them on a night out was a challenge made by, I don't know who, but it involved an irish car bomb. When the bartender put the shots and glasses of GUINNESS in front of him, I said "GO!" and started counting. C finished his in 3 seconds, literally, while R finished a few sips. 

In all fairness, R hates his first glass of Guinness. He always says the first glass of Guinness is too bitter for him, but any & all after that is easy. I don't know how he can call himself an Irishman to be honest. LOL

If I had to do it all over again, the only change I would make is to add the entire bottle of Guinness instead of the one cup called for. The Guinness cake's flavor was too subdued for the Jameson's ganache and Bailey's frosting flavors, in my opinion. I also would double the frosting recipe because the amount in the recipe frosted a few more than half of the cakes. I was a bit frustrated with this recipe because it was more than just your typical, blend, bake & frost recipe. The ganache filling was an extra step that made the process seem endless. It wasn't difficult, just grueling. When I was done coning the cakes, I almost trashed the buggers because I thought the cupcake corer I bought made too big of a core. I thought ganache would pour out and make more of mess than anything else. BUT after all is said & done, I was pleased with the end results because I generally don't like chocolate anymore.

OH! And my icing gun fucking broke on me midway through frosting. I couldn't open the damn thing to refill it with icing and cracked down the middle while trying to. I was royally ticked, but not really since you get what you pay for and I only payed $5 for it. I'm gonna buy me the reusable frosting bags, believing they won't freaking break.

R grading: B- 

B grading (B): She thought the frosting was too sweet. I thought so too, but thought that it complemented great since the cake & ganache were a tad more on the bitter side.

C thought the flavor resembled a car bomb a lot and because he has eaten so may, claimed that I was going to give him diabetes.
Mom didn't get to try the cupcakes this week. Dad ate two before they left to go bowling and Grammy had one, but wanted one more when she was done. So, mom was disappointed when the weekly four cupcakes were gone. Almost malevolent, really. So, I set three more car bombs aside to drop off for her. Before I left, dad requested a dozen White Russian cupcakes to take with him to a Superbowl party on Sunday. I thought White Russians were a tad more on the girly side, especially when standing next to the Superbowl, but whatever. I'm glad to do it. One dozen is nothing, really.

BAKING TIPS

While browsing the internet, I picked up a few baking tricks & tips that I thought were extremely helpful. Anything that makes life a bit easier, even while baking cupcakes, is appreciated.

I rinse/wash my hands probably a million times while baking or cooking. Using a cup or glass while making a well in the center of a bowl of dry ingredients keeps my hands from getting dirty.

I had trouble scooping batter into the cups neatly with a regular kitchen spoon, but I read that using an ice cream scoop makes just the right amount of batter per cup for most cupcakes.

Even though I'm baking cupcakes, I don't like keeping buttermilk on hand. If I do happen to use some for a recipe, it'll be spoiled before I bake another recipe that calls for it. So, I found substitutions for it with ingredients I always have on hand. For each cup of warm milk, add either: 1½ tablespoon of fresh lemon juice, 1 1/3 tablespoon of cider vinegar or 1¾ tablespoon cream of tartar. 

I read a little story about a woman asking if someone had a 3 teaspoon spoon and a guy handed her one. The woman was a-mazed that he had a measuring spoon equaling 3 teaspoons. I chuckled aloud and only got the joke because I had just read the day before that 1 tablespoon equals 3 teaspoons. 

I wish I knew this substitution before I bought myself a bottle of allspice. That could have been a few bucks saved for a pack of smokes or something. Allspice = 2 parts ground cinnamon and 1 part ground cloves.

Same thing goes for punpkin pie spice = ½ tsp ground cinnamon + 1/4 tsp ground ginger + 1/8 tsp ground cloves + 1/8 tsp ground nutmeg.

1 vanilla bean = 2 to 3 teaspoons pure vanilla extract.

WHITE CHOCOLATE MACADAMIA CUPCAKES WITH WHITE CHOCOLATE BUTTERCREAM

My favorite cookie used to be peanut butter cookies until I had a white chocolate macadamia cookie. In general, I don't like chocolate by itself and I hate white chocolate. In fact, macadamia cookies are the only things I eat with white chocolate in them. It's such a damn shame that macadamia nuts are so fucking expensive. A ½ cup worth was $3.50 and I ended up buying two bags because I plan on making these cupcakes again because.. well, they're white chocolate macadamia cupcakes!

This test batch was the first time I ever made mini cupcakes. I decided to start making my test batches as minis so I could share more and get more opinions. It turned out that mini cupcakes seem to work differently than standard-sized cupcakes. I had to experiment to see how much batter should go into the liners without them having muffin tops. There's nothing wrong with muffin tops, but the cakes look prettier to me when they're even with the liner and there's only a massive swirl of frosting visible. So, I found out that 2 teaspoons worked out for my preference.

The bag of macadamias that I bought where already chopped and since I was making minis, I thought it'd be a decent idea to crush the bastards into smaller pieces. In retrospect, I wish I had actually just left the nuts out of the batter completely and just pushed one chopped nut into a filled cup of batter. I believe I will try that next time.

I tasted a freshly baked mini cupcake without the frosting and noticed that the liner stuck to the cake so bad that it ripped it apart. So, I thought I would spray a small amount of PAM inside the cups before spooning in the batter into the second batch of minis. This fixed the problem fine, so I gotta make a mental note that sticks to start doing that. Even though the standard-sized cakes don't need it, I bet it wouldn't hurt to spray them with PAM either, just to make it and keep it a habit.

I had trouble trying to figure out how long they should bake for. My oven seems to be hotter than most because for recipes that asks to bake standard cakes for 20-something minutes only takes 13 minutes in mine. So, I figured about 8 minutes for the minis. It turned out that 6-7 minutes was close to perfect for my minis.

I also burnt the chocolate while I was trying to melt them in the microwave. I was expecting a smooth and creamy consistency, something that looked like melted marshmallows, but when my microwave burnt out and I started to stir the chocolate - I noticed that the chocolate was chalky in consistency & turned a toasty color underneath the creamy white chocolate. Apparently, white chocolate overheats much more quickly and easily than milk or dark chocolate. From now on, I'm going to have to melt white chocolate slowly with a pot of boiling water instead of a microwave so I'm forced to stand over it and babysit. I tasted the chocolate and thought it tasted fine and poured it into the frosting anyway, so I didn't get my snow-white frosting that I love so much, but oh well. That's what test batches are for, right?

R grading (B):  I think my cupcakes are getting to boo because he ate many of them back-to-back, but maybe it had something to do with them being minis?..

B grading (A): She also loved them. The only comment she really made about them was that she thought the frosting was a bit too sweet. I wonder if me burning the chocolate for the frosting had anything to do with it's sweetness?? I doubt it, but it's a thought.

WHITE RUSSIAN CUPCAKES

My alcoholic beverage of choice is the white russian. So much so that I was THE DUDE (or The Dudette, really) for more than one Halloween and even just for fun while drinking them around the apartment. I remember the first time I ever drank one: I was 13 years old (sorry, my loving parents) was at a buddy's house. Her parents had made a HUGE pitcher of white russians for a party they were either going to attend or had just attended. I honestly thought it was a pitcher of chocolate milk and grabbed myself a glass. When I drank it and told my buddy that whatever it was, was not chocolate milk, she looked at the glass and then looked at me with an annoyed look on her face, "that would be a white russian, ya dumbass."

Since we were the devious trouble makers any 13 year old should be, we kept on drinking. Between the two of us, we nearly finished the entire pitcher full. I don't know if my buddy got in trouble or not, but I doubt it. She could get away with murder (hence, me being there all the time. Hell, we could smoke in her house!). And I don't even remember getting stupid drunk, but knowing me now when I'm drunk - I probably fell asleep peacefully before it could knock me on my ass.

So, when I saw a recipe for white russian cupcakes, I definately had to make them. I was pleased to see that I had everything on hand, so I made them immediately. I accidentally skipped a step in the recipe where you soak the baked cakes in Kahlua because I got a bit anxious, but they were still delicious. Even though, I wish I had soaked the cakes because I wanted a little bit more of that white russian flavor because it "tastes gooooood" (Patton Oswald in BALLS OF FURY).

The original recipe called for a whipped cream frosting and since I had a slight issue with the Bailey's whipped cream frosting for mudslide cupcakes because I lack a whisk attachment, I made a cream cheese frosting instead. And I love me some cream cheese frostings. I just used a simple & basic recipe for a cream cheese frosting as a template and replaced the lemon juice with Kahlua. I know it's no big change and a monkey could have figured it out, but I thought of myself as being innovative and gave myself some kudos.

I garnished my cakes with shaved chocolate, again. I actually tried using a vegetable peeler to make chocolate curls, but got shavings instead. Whomp whomp.

R grading (A): He ate two back-to-back immediately and more the next day. Out of the cupcakes I have made so far, these were his favorite.

B grading (A): All she really said about these were "tasty!". I love her to death, she's like a sister to me, but damn girl! You gonna have to give me a little bit more to work with. I have faith though. I'm gonna have you testing so many cupcakes, you're going to be a cupcake connoisseur and one day I'm gonna eat those words.

HARVEST PUMPKIN CUPCAKES WITH ORANGE CREAM CHEESE FROSTING

It's tradition in my family to have pumpkin roll as a dessert during the holiday season dinners and my mother's pumpkin roll was perfect every year. I always bitched about her only making one roll, since there were six of us in one household, one pumpkin roll was gone within hours and having just one slice wasn't enough. Now we're all older and our family has grown with the addition of three sister-in-laws. With good intentions, they took over the Thanksgiving & Christmas dinners so my mother can take a compete load off.

One year the sister-in-laws made a menu that.. was good, but too untraditional for the likes of my brothers & father. They got a slap on the wrisor replacing mashed potatoes with some potato balls, cranberry sauce with brussel sprouts & removing pumpkin roll. I'm more open to change and trying new food than the rest of my family so it was no big deal to me. I thought the brussel sprouts was a refreshing change, but probably because I hate cranberry sauce or anything gelatin-like. I defended the girls for not knowing about pumpkin roll because they never had it. So, at Thanksgiving dinner, I was employed by the girls to be in charge of the revered pumpkin roll. 

Now, pumpkin roll is a PAIN IN THE ASS to make. It's tricky as hell to roll up a soft sponge cake without it cracking or breaking. I don't know how my mother pulled it off so flawlessly. Nevertheless, I served the ugly cake I made at Christmas and even though it tasted just as good, it was the perfectionist in me that was totally unhappy with the pumpkin roll. So, I came up with an idea to turn pumpkin roll into a cake or.. a CUPCAKE!!

My test batch of the harvest pumpkin cupcakes came out perfect. I couldn't be happier with the flavor of the cake. I saw that the recipe was close enough to pumpkin roll and therefore, the cake tasted just like pumpkin roll. The orange cream cheese frosting got me interested. The roll recipe my mother uses just your basic cream cheese frosting, but the orange flavor added into the new recipe sounded like it would be delicious combo so I went ahead with the recipe I found. I thought maybe the orange would be too overwhelming with the pumpkin, but the flavor was more subdued than imagined and was a perfect compliment.

I know my family isn't more open to change, but I think the fact that pumpkin roll won't be a roll won't bother them. I'm sure it's the taste that they crave. I'm going to serve these cupcakes for Thanksgiving 2011, half with the original cream cheese frosting and the other half with the orange cream cheese and see which they'll like better.

R grading (B+): My boo actually doesn't have a sweet tooth. One or two cookies will satisfy his sugar craving for MONTHS and he doesn't even care too much for cupcakes because they're too sweet for him. So, when I noticed him eating more than one within the two days they were in my kitchen, it made me happy. But it shouldn't have been a surprise because I introduced him to the decadent pumpkin roll and he loves the mess out of some pumpkin roll.  

B grading (A+): When I told her they were pumpkin cupcakes, she said with a smirk on her face, "I don't like pumpkin anything, but I'll try them." After eating them, all she could say was "these are soooo yummy!" And for me, it was all I needed to hear.

A NEWFOUND HOBBY. AND SLIGHT OBSESSION.

Alright. So. To make a long story short, I've always been a sugar hound. ALWAYS. And I've always loved to bake and cook. This past Christmas I was given a SILPAT, a big ass cast iron skillet for paella, and a cupcake pan. The cupcake pan opened a door, somehow. Before baking with it, I purchased cupcake liners (standard & mini), a mini cupcake pan, a cupcake corer, a FROSTING DECORATOR PRESS, cute CUPCAKE GIFT BOXES, & the ULTIMATE CITRUS TOOL with a gift card (another awesome gift).

The first batch of cupcakes I made were harvest pumpkin cupcakes, which were delectable for the following week of Christmas. There has always been something about pure white frosting swirls that tickles my fancy. The recipe I found made two dozen cakes, which I boxed one dozen to share. I had my boyfriend bring them to work with him and his co-workers ate them up. It gave me that old sense of pride to hear that people couldn't stop eating them. When I went to pick Ryan up from work for lunch, one woman said she had eaten four and gave one away to a customer, who she said exclaimed how delicious they were too.

And so, there it was. A motive to go cupcake cah-razy! I've been compiling recipes upon recipes of cakes and buttercreams galore. I went out and bought a notebook with an even-now growing list of recipes that I am DETERMINED to fill up and create. I wanted to do a new cupcake every week, but because of my atypical schedule and limited income, I could only promise myself at least one new test batch a month. As I was searching the internet for a tiramisu cupcake recipe (because my father is a newfound tiramisu addict), I also came upon a recipe for a Kahlua Mudslide cupcake. The whole idea of cupcakes being adapted from mixed drinks tickled my fancy as well and so I started to collect these booze cakes for my recipe book. I don't know if it's because of the fact that I'm a bartender by night that attracted me to these cakes so much or what, but I collected a TON of these recipes.

As a side note: I came across the word CRUNKcakes during my booze cake recipe hunting & the word  just stuck with me.

And in this endeavor to a cupcake overdose, I am compelled to document the process because I'm already such a scribe & also because I simply just can't stop thinking about cupcakes! This will be kind of like a release for me.